The Oyster Wedding Rehearsal: Still dark, less stormy.

After my little meltdown, I tried calling a couple of stores, which had already closed. Mr. Oyster, feeling quite helpless, offered to order me a new shaper via overnight mail. I made my own efforts to "suck it up" and got dressed to go to the rehearsal.

By now it was beginning to rain, and I remember putting on my lovely purple dress and new necklace. I also remember playfully asking Mr. Oyster to help me walk around, because I was absolutely planning to wear my cute dress heels, rain or not. He promised, and we were off.



I scheduled our rehearsal at the same time as our wedding the next day, to help with scheduling and also to get a feel for what everything would be like at that exact time. Of course, when I did that, many months prior, I was anticipating some evening sunshine and sunsets and interesting light. There was nothing of the kind. Little did I know how much the conditions at the rehearsal dinner would become familiar to us.

We kept our rehearsal small: Me and Mr. Oyster, immediate family, bridal party, and their spouses. It was an intimate group, but I still completely underestimated the amount of pre-wedding energy that filled the room as soon as everyone arrived. But once they did, I forgot all about my stupid shaper.


The rain had completely snarled traffic, and nearly everyone was late and frazzled and full of apologies. I was totally calm until our photographers arrived, which made everything much more "real" to me, and I think I started to get frazzled, too.

When the children arrived (my nephew, my MOH's daughter, and my little 7 year old brother), they all took to each other immediately and started running around. Despite having a million plans, we spent several minutes not having a clue what to do.



But it worked out. I remember our planner helping everyone get into their places,



And Mr. Oyster made sure to give me a thoroughly embarrassing "practice kiss" which caught me by surprise. Here's my reaction:



We laughed a bit,



This is my mom practicing her walk -- I love her smile.

Then we practiced our walk down the aisle, which was pretty fun. I'll always wonder what the two of us were whispering about.








We went over the schedule one more time, walked around the venue to show everyone where things would be, and then we were off to the rehearsal dinner.

*Photos by the decidedly cool-headed, Chicago based photographers David Wittig and Nancy Beale.

Previously:
It was a dark & stormy night.

The Oyster Wedding: It was a dark and stormy night.

Early in the day, The Day Before My Wedding, it was bright and sunny, shiny, and hot. I'd finally finished my to-do list. It was the end of what I call the Crazy Wedding Week. Mr. Oyster and I had picked up our families from the airport, and we were caught in the Whirlwind. You know what I'm talking about. No matter how low-key your wedding (or especially if it isn't), there's a bunch of activity, a lot of nervous energy, and family members and friends fluttering about.

But the day before the wedding, I was at home, relaxing by myself, packing up our "wedding things" (decorations and things) to be given to the coordinator that night. It was incredibly quiet. There was music playing somewhere, and the cats were all asleep. I was preternaturally calm. And then I decided to pack my wedding suitcase.

The suitcase was to include almost everything -- since I was leaving directly from home to the venue on the wedding day, and we'd be coming home after the wedding, I didn't need any overnight stuff. Just everything on my "wedding list" for the next day. This included things like my jewelry, shoes, cosmetics, my "getting ready" robe, emergency papers, my purse, and of course, my wedding day undergarments, which included my trusty body shaper.

The shaper!

With just two hours to go until the rehearsal dinner, and the sky darkening fast, and of course, all the stores closing, I couldn't find my wedding dress shaper -- the thing that makes the dress fit. I guess it fit anyway, but it was built around me and that shaper.

I remembered it after my final fitting, that I'd put it somewhere for safekeeping. But where? I couldn't remember, and after searching the entire house, I realized that it was gone. All I could think was that my dress, what I'd put so much work into, the very symbol of... I don't know, everything... was now not going to fit because of this crap piece of fabric. And that, ladies, is how, after 18 months of relative calm, my pre-wedding meltdown began.

In about 10 seconds I went from this

(1939)

to its most unfortunate opposite:

From designer Olly Moss, and threadless

I tried to console myself with the "Oh, at least you're getting married, that's what matters" that people always say. But it didn't work. Because you know what? If nothing else truly mattered, we wouldn't have been having a #$%$@$# wedding. Yep, I said it.

That's right, ladies (and men), all this planning? It matters. And it's totally fine that it matters. No, of course it's not on par with a horrible natural disaster or a national security crisis, but it matters. I think our society spends so much time telling women "you have to get married!" and then tells them "plan your wedding, but don't get too into it!" that sometimes we twist and turn ourselves until finally, something breaks and we fall apart.

But there wasn't too much time for falling apart and there was even less time for thinking about it. The best I could do was pray for some kind of miracle, pledge to use my body-cinching swimsuit in a pinch, dry some tears, and get ready for the rehearsal dinner. As if the heavens understood my predicament, we heard the sound of distant thunder as we headed out the door.

All right, 'fess up -- I know you guys have had some pre-wedding meltdowns!

The Oyster Wedding: Recaps are Coming

I may or may not have jumped for joy upon receiving our digital files, because it means one thing: I can finally begin recaps!

Before I begin to re-experience of the wedding on your behalf, let me show you just a few of the wonderful works of art given to us by our photographers:








We've been married several months now, and there must be a bunch of you who weren't yet hanging around when I got married... last summer! For those who might not know me, I've been blogging for Weddingbee since March of last year, and our wedding was originally an outdoor one before we came to our senses. My tastes tend toward the classic, and I only had a couple of DIY projects. I talked a little about being in an interracial relationship, and what it would mean for my husband to jump the broom with me.

I wrote about the importance of family, what it meant to be getting married without a father, and how awesome it is to be from several generations of amazing women. Choosing a dress was difficult, for all sorts of reasons, so I designed it myself. I even told you what I was planning to wear on our honeymoon. Besides my dress, my most difficult wedding planning decision was finding a photographer, but I managed to find two: one for our wedding and one for my bridal portraits.

One of my favorite things about writing these recaps (I've written some of them in advance) is seeing all of my wedding plans come to fruition, and contrasting the reality with the ideas I initially had. Prior to the wedding, I wasn't able to finish posting about all our chosen details and wedding specifics. I hope you don't mind if I include some of these in the recaps. It's been so much fun to see the result of 18 months of planning and hard work!

Blogging for Weddingbee has been such a nice addition to my wedding planning process, and I'm happy to have something to write about again! We had a wonderful wedding, and I can't wait to share it with you!

*Photos by Chicago based photographers, David Wittig Photography.

The Oyster Wedding Look: Inspirations

While I was planning, I spent so much time describing to you my process with the dress, that I never really shared the rest of my bridal look with you! I figured I'd let you know how I came about my bridal "look." It's interesting how, in the planning of this wedding, I drew my inspirations from soooo many different places.

In general, my look evolved quite a bit. Originally, I was thinking to have an outdoor wedding, with a form-fitting lace dress and my hair down with a flower in it. This look is captured pretty well by America Ferrera's character in Our Family Wedding, actually (well, at least on the cover -- savvy readers know that in the actual movie, her hair is up):

photo property of 20th Century Fox

photo from VivirLatino.com (which has a pretty good & insightful review of the film)

But you know what happened to those plans. We shifted to a formal, black tie wedding, so I changed my look to fit that -- and I'm so happy I did!

Hair:


I initially planned to wear my hair down, but started freaking out about potential humidity or heat ruining it and having my curls fall out (which always happens). I couldn't deal with the uncertainty of that; also, I really, really love the "classic" bridal hair bun. My hair isn't quite long enough for that, but I showed my hairdresser some inspiration photos anyway. We contemplated adding a hairpiece, but my hairdresser said I could trust her, and she'd figure it out.

Here's the inspiration for my hair: something formal, but loose enough to be "romantic." These photos are from Project Wedding.

photo by Natalie Buketov for Natalie Buketov Bridal Makeup Artistry & Hair Design

photo from projectwedding.com

from Project Wedding reader ChildofHope, who did her own hair

Makeup:


This is a pretty contentious issue. I plan to write more about this later, but my time spent trying to find a makeup inspiration was the time I came face-to-face with the lack of ethnic representation in bridal magazines. Sure, I could turn to Essence or something for some photos of black women in beautiful makeup, but that wasn't the point; and besides, most "celebrity" looks don't come close to being what I call "bridal." I wanted something very subtle, not too colorful, and very elegant. Here is what I came up with:

uncredited photo for Entertainment Weekly/EW.com; photo from concreteloop.com

If you are going to find a celebrity whose makeup you want to emulate, it helps to find someone with a similar skin tone and eye shape to yours. My hairdresser (who is also my makeup artist) thanked me profusely for finding a celebrity who looks, at least on paper, similar enough to realistically imitate.

Jewelry:
My accessories were very special to me, especially since, aside from my ring, I only had two of them. My idea was to have a beautiful dress, one pair of spectacular earrings, and some kind of flower. I remember staring at this photo for a long time, and it was a prominent image in my mind when I was finally putting together my wedding look. Except, I wanted the earrings to be larger -- I have a larger head!

Photo by Aaron Delesie; featured at Style Me Pretty

Veil:


I do believe it completes the bridal "look" to wear something on your head. Here we have the bridal veil: the timeless symbol of innocence, the veiling of the bride, the... whatever, I so don't care about any of that. I wore a veil because it photographs well. Shallow? Maybe. But it's true; I only thought of a veil after seeing photos like these:

by Christian Oth

There goes Darcy again (photo by Holger Thoss).

These two are from our photographers, David Wittig Photography:




We originally planned to add some beaded lace to the edge of the veil (as shown in one of my favorite dresses), but the sparkles ended up being too heavy. So we went to my other inspiration, which was this beautiful drop veil worn by Anne Hathaway's character in Bride Wars. I've watched that scene where she walks down the hallway so many times!

Photo by Claire Folger from her website

© 2008 Twentieth Century Fox and Regency Enterprises

This veil is incredibly simple; it just attaches to your hair with a pin. No pleats, no sparkles, and it's most formal when it's very, very sheer. You can find beautiful drop veil examples all over the Bee... but the most famous "drop veil" bride right now is probably this person.

Shoes:
I had a pair of cute bridal shoes, but during my bridal portrait shoot, they were so unbelievably painful that I ditched them. I spent several weeks trying to find shoes that were in my size, comfortable, and the exact heel height as the first pair (because the dress was already finished by that point, and it was made to go with those original shoes -- learn from me, and think of this before you have your dress hemmed!).
It was an arduous search, but it turns out that a pair of black espadrilles in my closet were not only the exact perfect height, but were comfortable enough for all-day wear. However, they are made of straw and canvas and look ridiculous, so there are no photos of them. I changed into a pair of Born brown leather sandals for dancing. You have to do what makes you comfortable!

So there you have it, The Look. After the wedding, I have this whole file folder full of photos, marked "Wedding Beauty & Fashion." It has been so much fun to compare and contrast this with how I actually looked. With so much time gone by, it's amazing to me how much time and effort I spent on decisions that seem like no big deal... but it was all worth it!

How did you find your wedding inspirations?

An Abundance of Albums, Pt. 2

This installment of my little series marks the arrival of our "official" photo album from our photographers.

I'll be completely honest here and say that I initially was not emotionally invested in this album, which is probably really sad and not something most photographers would want to hear.

I'll fully admit that when we chose our photographers, we placed our priorities more on the personality of the photographers and their actual photos than on the albums (what good is a beautiful book if you don't love the photos in it?). Their albums are definitely a part of their artistry and they sell some beautiful products, but we were really stretching to get them at our wedding, and so we could only afford the smallest album they offered. In fact it was so small (just 30 small-ish photos, although beautifully printed) that I just couldn't get excited about it. Kind of like when you see something expensive, and you love it,  but you know you can't have one, so you don't let yourself think about it too much.

Luckily, a delay in processing led our photographers to offer us a slightly larger album, which we were excited about. This is good news for all those photographers I offended a minute ago, because this meant that in the photo-choosing process we really did become attached to this album. This album is very simple, with just one matted image per page, so we decided that it would be more of a "showcase" for our most favorite shots. When I make a larger scrapbook, I'll use that to really tell the story of the day.

It's a Cypress album and it is very beautiful. My husband, who has a graduate degree in printmaking, turned it over and over again and declared himself especially impressed with the craftsmanship. Here are some details:

This is the box that the album comes in. The album is inside, and covered with translucent vellum paper.





Our names are embossed on the cover:


You can see the deckled edges here. They are wonderful to touch, also.




I forgot to get a photo of the whole book before I put it away, but it looks very similar to this one.

Though the album is lovely and its presentation is wonderful, there are a couple of things I'd change if I could. Maybe some of you can learn from my mistakes:

First, I declined to order the Cypress fabric swatches, which is totally my fault. The "Platinum" color, which I expected to be, well, platinum, is a brownish beige; it's still pretty, but quite different from what I expected. Second, the images aren't quite in the order we envisioned them (we were supposed to have a chance to check it before it went to print, but that somehow never happened), which bothered me at first.

I'll be honest and say that these issues are magnified, because by the time it arrived, it was a loooong 5 months from the time we placed our order (we were quoted 6 to 8 weeks). Apparently this is a common experience among brides, so you've been warned! Of course this meant that our digital photos were delayed as well.

It really didn't matter much to me (I mean in the long run, I won't remember how long it took) but I seriously didn't expect to be so excited to get our wedding album, and I certainly didn't realize I'd be so concerned about the digital photos!

Is there anything you became unexpectedly attached to during your wedding planning process?


*Part 1 of my album adventure describes our basic 4x6 book, which you can see here.

An Abundance of Albums, Pt. 1

Hello, Hive! It's Mrs. Oyster here, the one who got married a looong time ago. I'm back... almost. :)

While waiting for our digital photos, I've been starting out in our quest to DO SOMETHING with these hundreds of wedding prints. The first step was deciding to put the proof images in something other than a shoebox. (If you haven't booked your photographer yet, proof sets are just prints of every photo from the wedding.) Our photographers offered the proofs in two formats: a pre-printed book and the loose 4x6 prints. Personally, I prefer the prints, because I love that we can take them out and frame them if we want. Later, I overheard one of them talking, and she said that customers who order loose prints often complain because they are unwieldy, and because family members and friends will come over and steal one or two of them.

Well, we had no such problems, mostly because we never told anyone that we had any prints, and because our house is too messy to invite anyone over to. Also, the photographers made it very easy for our geographically spread-out family to buy their own prints online, so that worked out well. And in the beginning at least, I love that we have them to pick up and look at when it's time to do things like choose album shots, select photos for enlargements, or whatever else (like writing Weddingbee recaps!).

But eventually, I needed to put the prints in a format that made it easier to look them over. I had put them in a cute photobox, but after we'd selected images for the album, I figured we needed a book for long-term storage.

Aaron Brothers was having a sale, and I met another recent bride there as I was checking out. For 50% off their regular price, I purchased their "5-up" Trevor album, a refillable album which holds 500 photos. It comes with 50 sheets, which hold 10 images each (5 per side). I bought 4 extensions, which brought the album's capacity to 900.



The cover has a 4x6 insert, so I just picked a photo and stuck it in there. It immediately looked great -- this was already way too easy.



The album's black pages are a nice backdrop for the images, and definitely a good fit for our photographers' style. Almost immediately, I was struck by how dramatic the photos look on the pages, even behind plastic. I also loved how the 5-to-a page album displays both horizontal and vertical photos. It worked very well for keeping photos of one theme on a page:





This is a post album, which means that when you're ready to add pages, you just lift the flap in the back and unscrew it. The packets of extra pages come with their own extension posts. There is a little cardboard/vinyl binding to cover the edges, but it is very cheap and came off before I got the album home. As it turns out, it doesn't matter -- it has no role in the structure of the book, and since I nearly doubled the book's original size, it wouldn't have fit anyway. Here's the spine of the book, looking a little full:



It took me a couple of hours to fill the album, which was a nice project for a chilly Saturday afternoon (especially when accompanied with some hot tea and an episode or two of Murder, She Wrote... I love that old show!). I left a few blank spaces here and there so that I could keep a nice flow to the album, and group photos together by theme and by category (Getting Ready, First Look, etc.).

After an extra 30 pages, the album is full to the brim with over 800 photos:



Mr. Oyster liked that I had done this. He's not very computer literate (by his own admission), and upon seeing this album, confessed that he felt looking at the proofs online was "too much work." Well, I certainly have no problem looking at images online, but I've recently gotten back into the idea of having physical photo albums after storing all my photos digitally for the past ten years or so.

The next album I am likely to work on is what I call our "engagement album," where I plan to put the engagement and rehearsal dinner photos. The next album to arrive, however, was our "official" wedding album, and I'll write about that one next.

Notecards and the End of the Beginning

The last time I wrote about our invitations, I wrote how I felt they were the first communication with our guests as a couple, and how important they were.

If you've had a long engagement, you've probably noticed that people don't really care much about your wedding after you announce your engagement. That's because there's nothing for them to do!< They're happy for you, but their lives continue on (as they should!)... until the invitation arrives. This is when people start to get excited. The phone calls start, the hotel plans are made and plane tickets are purchased, and if you have any crazy relatives, this is when they make themselves known. The pre-wedding marathon begins. In addition to making the wedding real for you, the invitations' arrival will make things more real for your guests, too. It's an incredibly exciting time, and I really did love every minute of it. Being engaged was so much more fun once everyone else (at least, everyone else on our invite list) could share it with us. And it started with these invitations.

 

We had no invitation suite, just these beautiful, simple invitations, and their inner and outer envelopes. After the wedding, we wanted our thank-you cards to be a sincere expression of our gratitude for the day and a reminder of our invitations (assuming they remembered; I know lots of people just throw them away!). We ordered matching notecards with our name on the front, so we could use them not only as thank-you cards but also all around correspondence cards in the future: notes, condolence, congratulations, etc., so that we can use them long after we finish our thank-you cards.

I still remember that it seemed like forever before the invitations arrived, and they were nearly perfect. I was less than thrilled with the design process (the company was very nice to work with but it seemed like we weren't always on the same page; I eventually just photoshopped the letters, sent it to them, and had it printed). But showing them to my husband the first time put it all in perspective:

These invitations, of course, are not about shades of pink and cursive and script and fonts; they’re the first announcement that my fiance and I intend to start a life together. Seeing [Mr. Oyster] hold the invitations in his hands and really get that for the first time was priceless, and everything else I’d been worrying about suddenly mattered much less.

We ordered them from the same vendor as our invitations. The cards, having only one line of text, were much easier to design. Here you can see them with the pattern that continues onto the back of the card (at left), and our original invitation in the background there. Once again, I used our crop-a-dile (described here) to fix up those corners (although Smock can do this for you if, unlike us, you remember to specify it beforehand!).



Looking back on my wedding planning, one vendor I really enjoyed working with was Paper and Chocolate, which is where I ordered my invitations and notecards. I intially walked by the place while dating an ex-boyfriend (scandalous!). You know the kind, one of those commitment-scared ones you have to apologize to any time a wedding commercial comes on television. Anyway, the place looked beautiful and had a wedding dress in the window to advertise their invitation services. We walked by, and I pretended not to look at it. But in my head I thought, "If I ever get engaged..." and a few years later, I did... though not to him of course! And so it was my first stop for invitations. The people there are very nice (especially their resident etiquette guru, Frances) and will help you with every step of the process.



In case you didn't know, I'm a romantic at heart and I love pretty things. It's always fun to go there -- lots of exquisite papers, photo albums, frames, etc., and a separate little room for ordering stuff -- and then on the way out, you can pick up some wonderful chocolates. If you're a Dallas bride, I highly recommend taking your mom or your best friend with you for lunch at Breadwinner's next door, followed by looking at some beautiful invitations, and then you can get some chocolate to relieve wedding planning stress.

There are few better ways to spend an afternoon. None of these people asked me to say that -- visiting this store was truly a highlight of wedding planning. I still visit them to buy their chocolate, which always makes a wonderful gift.

I love the cards, and I love the fact that ordering them meant more pretty boxes from Smock (ours is the turquoise one seen here and above, but you can now buy them separately):



If our invitations were the first announcement of our intentions, these notecards, with our joint last name on the front there, are another tangible representation of our marriage, and their arrival signaled to me the end of our "wedding" experience. I'll admit that this does make me a bit sad. It's nice to have our thank-you notes done, though, and I'm happy that we'll have little reminders of our wedding to use all year long.

*Image of boxes from ohsobeautifulpaper.com.

Meet the Oystercats [Yours, Mine, Ours]

When I first came to Weddingbee, I mentioned that I have four cats -- and it's true! I live with Mr. Oyster and four completely crazy adorable cats.

I have only had one pet in my life, and that's my little cat Patience. We think she's about 14 years old. She arrived on my doorstep right around the time I graduated high school, and that's how I ended up getting my very first pet at age 17. (!) Isn't she gorgeous?

My husband, on the other hand, has had cats and animals his whole life. I call him the animal whisperer, because no matter what the animal is, he can get it to calm down and communicate with him. It's a little creepy. He has three cats, and they all have different personalities and temperaments.

Snoot, named for a type of flash modifier, is 12 years old, wiry and weird and is very clingy. He's extremely attached to my husband and cries for him when he comes home late. Unfortunately, he showed this attachment by "marking" nearly everything of mine that smelled like my cat as soon as I moved into the house. I'll be honest and say that, while I try to be a loving and forgiving cat-stepmom, I'm still kind of miffed about this. This is the one you have seen in some of our wedding planning photos, since he's always around.

He helped us make the first DIY Flower.





Krazy, 13, is a big, round, lovable creature. He is also not too bright and doesn't see very well. He basically hangs around and sleeps. He's very social and comes out at parties. Here he is, having jumped on my father-in-law's lap at our engagement party:



Lucy, 5, was a stray kitten that my husband adopted a few years before we met. She is still kind of feral, and doesn't like people at all (except my cat-whispering husband). She's afraid of *everything*! Seriously. If you cough, she'll run and hide. Some of our more frequent houseguests, like our friends and in-laws and the pet sitter, have never even seen her.



So why am I talking about my cats? One of the most difficult adjustments to living with my husband has been dealing with all of these creatures.  It didn't help that one cat was visibly distressed and letting us know in a pretty nasty way. I have one pet, and she is very well trained (doesn't jump on the table, doesn't scratch furniture, etc.).

My husband's cats have had, shall we say, a bit more freedom (can anyone else see this as a metaphor for our future childrearing styles?). He calls it "the bachelor's cat syndrome." Luckily, he's been pretty receptive of my efforts to allow the cats their freedom without letting them eat off the kitchen table (or sleep in fresh laundry!).

Another big challenge was integrating my cat into the household. (Yes, we followed all the veterinary directions for integrating a new cat.) My cat is a tough little girl, and she wasn't necessarily afraid of the others. But they didn't accept her very readily. In the beginning, she would walk up to them timidly, like a kindergartener who's new at school, and she seemed to have a look that said, "Will you play with me?" The other cats would hiss at her, or run away, and she would lay down sadly (or hiss back!). This was repeated for a while until she basically retreated into one corner of the house and stayed there for eight months. Here she is on the day we moved in.



Now, after more than a year, my cat is pretty comfortable and is a fully integrated member of the household. Our big-round cat, Krazy, has really taken to her and they are sometimes found resting together. Also, my cat has recently gotten very sick (we had to shave off all her beautiful hair!) and has a dramatically smaller and more vulnerable appearance. I'm not sure how much the cats could sense her illness, but they definitely began to respond differently to her as as her health got worse. In fact, I think their response to her has helped make her more comfortable and more "herself--" she has even regained some of her energy and engages with them a lot more. She even fights for her favorite patch of sun, which we think is a great sign.

If you're looking for some realistic advice on integrating a new cat, we really enjoyed the book Cat Wrangling Made Easy.While simply adding a cat would be a challenge for anyone, it was clear that the biggest hurdle for my husband and I was our opposing "parenting" styles, which we'll surely think about more as time goes on. Maybe this is a little bit of practice. We've come to some compromises: I let him give the cats some tissue paper to play in, as long as he cleans it all up. And he doesn't mind me re-training the cats to be civil. :)

In the end, it mostly works out, and everybody has ended up friends.



Oh wait, there's more: Just as I was about to post this, we discovered a new (and very cute) habit that my cat has adopted. Since we had to have her shaved, she's been very cold and finds creative ways to keep warm (like resting in the sun, above). She's started hiding under the covers in bed! I couldn't resist showing you these adorable shots my husband took:







Okay, I promise: I'm done with the cute cat pictures. I'd love to hear your animal-combining adventures in the comments!