My hardest wedding-planning decision

When I got engaged, hardly anyone asked, "When's your date?" like they do most girls. Instead, my friends and family, aware of my inherited interest in photography, asked me, "Who will be your photographer?"

For the first half of our engagement, I couldn't answer them.

Here's my confession, and the reason I'm writing on this particular subject with very little time left before the wedding: For the first half of our engagement, I couldn't even envision our wedding. I'd been independent for so long, and making a concerted effort not to hope for marriage with every boyfriend that came along (lest I be disappointed), that now it was real and I couldn't picture it.

Oh sure, I could picture it in the abstract; I'd been secretly dreaming about it for years. I could imagine dancing with my husband, imagine walking down the aisle, seeing the smiling faces of my family and friends. But it was hazy; blurry; unreal. I couldn't choose a person whose eyes I wanted to see my wedding through, because I couldn't see it myself. Finally, I stepped back and decided to think about what my wedding really meant to me, and then the decision was easy.

I knew that the emphasis at our wedding will be on the interactions of our families and friends, and our happiness that we have them with us that day. I knew that I did not want our wedding to be about trends, or about details or little things you can make with a coffee stirrer, but about us, and about our love. I knew that our photographer had to be someone who understood that this day was the realization of a dream, as weddings always are.

I knew that I wanted our wedding day to be captured emotionally; I knew that I wanted organic, natural moments to come through. I knew that the images had to be good enough for me to say, "Oh, how sweet!" instead of "Nice lighting..."

 

...although light is nice, too.



I knew that I wanted to look at the images and hear the voices of those who were at the wedding.



I knew that I wanted to look at these pictures one day with my kids and be transported back to that day so many years ago; the fear, the anxiety, the joy. I wanted these pictures to help me remember love.

 




There is no checklist in the world that can illuminate the importance of these things. Technical competence and trendy processing are no substitute for real, true, captured emotion, which never goes out of style.

David Wittig was someone I'd seen in a forum years ago, well before I met Mr. Oyster. He rescued a thread that had become particularly contentious, and earned my respect in doing so. His blog has been in my RSS ever since. 

When I looked at his work again in the context of being engaged, the choice was easy. The things I originally liked about their work were the same things I wanted in my own wedding photographer. He and his wife Nancy are photographic storytellers like no one else.

I spoke to Nancy over the phone, and she said to me, "Weddings are an opportunity for us to make art." It is always a treat to encounter someone so passionate about their work, and I feel very lucky in getting a chance to work closely with people I admire, though the decision about photography was less about the images and more about the choice itself.

For some, wedding photography isn't much of a priority. For me, it is the symbol of the timelessness of weddings; of the fleeting nature of the moments, the happy recollections of those who are with us and those who are not. A photograph is a memory made tangible. Choosing a photographer is what began to make our wedding real to me.

My time as an engaged woman is coming to an end, and as the little details threaten to overshadow all meaning and rational thought, I try never to forget what I learned in this process.

I believe that the act of planning of wedding and the preparation for marriage are inextricably linked. I firmly believe that brides/grooms who are hopelessly indecisive about the cake, or the flowers, or about the dress, are really saying, "What is it I want? What does this symbolize? What do I want to remember, what do I want to present to the world?"

My wish for those in the midst of making thousands of little choices is that you embrace the indecision, and that you use it to help discover who you and your fiance are and what your wedding means to you. A decision made from this place is seldom regretted.

*All images in this post by our wedding photographers, David Wittig Photography. The bridal portraits, described in a previous post, were by someone else.

Lessons from the Bridal Shoot

The day of my bridal portrait shoot I was a harried, hot mess. It was a million degrees here in Dallas. I had to finish the flower I'd made for my hair in the morning. I had a million errands to run which included going to the hair/makeup appointment, picking up the bouquet, getting a manicure, at some point I needed to eat something, and of course, the portraits themselves which were located an hour away. I was hot, stressed out, tired, and alone, and I never could get it together.

My makeup/hair appointment started about an hour late (so much for the usually-punctual Miss Oyster!). I'd been so stressed and preoccupied lately that I'd forgotten to actually pick a hairstyle and just said, "You know, lots of curls." It was so hot and humid and my hair appointment so much earlier than the portraits that she put the curls in pins, which, when taken out a few minutes before the portrait shoot, looked kind of weird. And they fell five minutes into the photo shoot, because the photographer's a/c shut off when I got there.

I didn't pick a makeup look either, and when she asked if I wanted a natural look or something "more formal," I picked the latter. It looked awesome at the salon, and it was told her I trusted her to do "something formal and nice." The makeup she chose looked fine at the salon, and was absolutely perfect... for a red carpet debut! (She does work on celebrities, I should have known...) but in hindsight I definitely want a more natural look for the wedding day. My mistake.

My makeup/hair artist is awesome and I love working with her -- this was actually the most fun part of the day -- but I should have done my homework!

Next was my bouquet. My new GPS took me around downtown Dallas with wrong turns and down wrong streets, and I lost 30 minutes going from the salon to the florist, five miles away. Did I mention it was a Friday afternoon? It took an hour. My bouquet ended up very similar to a picture I'd given him (yay!), but he forgot the instruction to make it much bigger. It was too late to fix it. I'd also forgotten to mention my strong aversion to hydrangeas. It was pretty enough though, and lasted a few days:

By the time I arrived to the photographers' studio, I described a little of my day and how stressed I was, and the photographer said, "Welcome to your wedding day!" Um, no... not if I can help it!

And here's yet another post that I didn't get to finish until days before the actual wedding, so here's my perspective, and why I'm incredibly glad I went through this.

I am now a confirmed evangelist for the "bridal portrait" experience. Even if you are in a location or country where bridal portraits are not common (or even odd), do it. Even if you're not actually having portraits done, get a friend to pretend with a camera for a bit.

Do the whole thing; get your outfit together, have your makeup/hair done, have your bouquet, your manicure, etc. Sit, crouch, hug, stand, and walk around in your dress. Get stared at by strangers. Maneuver in and out of a car. There is nothing like going through the experience to make you feel like a bride and, more importantly, make concrete just how much work goes into your wedding day -- not to mention that on the day itself, you'll have all sorts of familial interactions and other things to deal with (like getting married!). I highly recommend it.

From this mess of a day, I learned that:
- the wedding day itself is not a day for running around.
- my dress is super light and comfortable (thanks to my seamstress!)
- my shoes aren't as comfortable as I thought they'd be.
- I'm so glad it was so hot on the day of the portrait shoot -- it reminded me how I react to heat. No outdoor portraits for our "first look," thank you very much!
- I need to be clear about my hair and makeup.
- I enjoyed the social experience of being a bride. A bike rider whizzing by said, "Hey, girl! Congratulations!" In most cases, these kinds of expressions are heartfelt and sincere, so I didn't mind at all. It was super fun.

In addition to some much-needed lessons, this day did have a highlight. During my hour-long drive home, I called Mr. Oyster and said, "Hey, my makeup is done and I have some curls left in my hair. Maybe we should go out!" He took me to a cute little Italian restaurant and then we went to a trendy frozen yogurt place that doesn't allow pictures. The yogurt was delicious, as you can see in this photo. ;-) You can also see what is left of my "stripey" (according to Mr. Oyster) makeup.

Totally deserved after a hot, tiring, stressful day! Now that my wedding day is almost here, I am so glad I went through this experience. It has alleviated untold amounts of stress, and given me a much clearer picture of what the day will look like.

Why a wedding

When you are dating someone and your immediate family lives a few thousand miles away, there's no casual get-togethers, no "bring your boyfriend to the family picnic," no "let's meet him." Everything is a little more formal and requires plane tickets, formality and bracing yourself for that let's-get-everything-done-while-you're-here feeling that your parents have when you come visit, which will be familiar to anyone else who lives far away from their families.

Mr. Oyster didn't meet my mother until after we were engaged, when we took a trip in early 2009 to visit her. When my mom and grandmother came to visit me in the fall, they were here to help with wedding plans and also to meet Mr. Oyster's parents.

The first night they were here, the six of us went out to dinner. As the parents met each other for the first time, the palpable joy was nearly overwhelming. Everything, from the small talk, to the conversations to find things in common, to the shared enthusiasm over their new son/daughter, was underscored with happiness and anticipation and welcoming enthusiasm.

That first meeting was the first time I really understood what all this meant. It was the first time that my and Mr. Oyster's love for each other meant something other than "just the two of us." We were joining lives, and families, and while this is true for all weddings and repeated so much as to be a cliche, I couldn't help but marvel at how something that started between two people could create happiness for so many. I was overwhelmed and humbled by it.

That same weekend, we had a little engagement party at our home: parents and bridal party members and their families. I made one of my favorite Mexican meals and we turned on some music and a basketball game. It wasn't anything special, but it was so great to see everyone together and get a taste of what was to come a few months later (or, later this week!).

I have two wonderful ladies in my bridal party, and they are both maids of honor. The one you met already has an adorable daughter that totally stole the show. I don't think she'd ever seen a cat before and was so excited to meet ours! Can you see him? He blends in with the couch.



My mom and grandmother, whom you've met already. Aren't they gorgeous? I have friends that refuse to believe my mom is really my mom; they say things like, "Your sister is so nice!" Just wait until they see her Mother-of-the-Bride dress!



Here are all my moms.



I'm glad Mr. Oyster got a picture of me laughing with my two best friends.



At the end of the night, my friend's daughter suddenly got attached to my mom, and wouldn't let go of her hand. She held on all the way out the door! Little kids are hilarious.



Apparently, my friend and I have similar taste in husbands! We've been friends for years and I'd never noticed until my friend's little daughter had trouble telling them apart. We are still laughing about this.



Mr. Oyster and his father, sharing a laugh.



I remember that I had been worried about awkwardness, and about all the usual party things; would people like the food, would they talk to one another, would they be weird? But everything fell into place. Mr. Oyster and I were so happy to have them at our home, and happy to be celebrating with them, and hopefully this extended to our guests. I can only hope for a repeat at our wedding.

It was a great night, and a wonderful part of my memories of being engaged. I have several people in my life from different circles and from different regions of the country, and it was great for us to see everyone in the same room. If you can, I highly recommend a little get-together or something relatively early in your engagement, even if it is informal.

I was initially struck by the almost universal good wishes and enthusiasm and love and support that was shown us when we announced our engagement. Are they really that happy, for us? But I thought about my own reactions; when someone I love dearly is celebrating a marriage, or the completion of a degree or the birth of a baby, I always want to celebrate with them. The desire to share in their happiness is almost like ownership. You want to know that you had some part in who they are and the reason they're so happy now.

Of course, everyone is different, but the reason we are having a wedding is to share this with our friends and families, people we love dearly and want to acknowledge for their part in our lives and in our happiness. And selfishly, it just feels really great to be the recipients of that!

The engagement party was our first chance to experience that, and we'll have another chance very, very soon. I continue to be honored by the love and support shown us by our families and friends, and I hope that they can know the depth of our gratitude for that.

The Plus Sized Trousseau

Some images in this post may be NSFW.

One of the things I'm scrambling around doing in these last two weeks is ordering copious amounts of lingerie, because, well, I'm getting married, and... well, you know.

A few years ago, a friend who was getting married called me in an hysterical panic because her future mother-in-law had purchased bridal lingerie for her, and presented it to her at her shower. She was incensed, and embarrassed, and annoyed, and I (and my eardrum) got the brunt of it.

I managed to calm her down and told her that this acknowledgment of the sexual aspect of marriage is very, very common (she is from a country and culture where this is definitely not the case) and we had a pretty good conversation about how people all over the world, particularly women, help each other out when it comes to that whole "marital bedroom" business.

I think that in Western culture, one version of this is the lingerie/bridal shower. I am not having a bridal shower, but I've decided to gift myself with some cute little items that I have started referring to as my little trousseau. It has been fun discovering these items, which, to be honest, I haven't shopped for until now.

I tend to think of marriage as a social rite of passage, so in that context, talking about lingerie and so on doesn't really bother me. I wouldn't talk about it so publicly, though, unless I thought it might be helpful -- I had great difficulty finding cute things in my size, so I thought I'd share what I learned with other brides in the same position as I am.

I'll start with what you might actually see me in -- a getting-ready robe. I like the long white ones that say "bride" on the back, but I couldn't find one in my size -- not even a plain one I could embroider. Actually I did, but I absolutely refused to order anything from a site whose name is something like Big Gals Sexy Stuff -- I kid you not.

Anyway, I gave up on the idea when I saw this post suggesting some colorful robes to get ready in, and I found this flowery set from Roamans. I'll save the gown for later, but I plan to wear this robe while I'm having my hair and makeup done. Unfortunately, it is "in transit" with no scheduled delivery date, so maybe you won't see it after all -- maybe I won't, either!



The go-to place for plus sized sexy stuff is Hips and Curves, but unfortunately, the items there (a) run very small and (b) tend to be fetish items, like corsets and costumes. There are whole treatises on why plus sized women aren't seen as "elegantly sexy" and instead are reduced to fetishes, but that's beyond the scope of this post. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed, although they do have some lovely things, including an entire series based on this beautiful pattern:



I love the delicate pink and lace. In this pattern, you can order this cami set, a short chemise, or a nightgown.

I also discovered that Oscar de la Renta makes plus size lingerie. You can order it via Bare Necessities, Her Room (which has a bunch of other great stuff) or Nordstroms.



I ordered that set (above), called "Modern Elegance," when it was 50% off, and I regret it. To me, it looks so "elegant" as to be boring. I can always use an extra slip, so I'm trying to decide whether to keep it. Here's what I'd really like, but it isn't on sale:

Nordstrom carries it in both black and white. I would say that the sizing of Oscar de la Renta is pretty generous, and their 3x should fit up to a size 26.

Now for my favorites: I had no idea that Betsey Johnson has a line of plus sized lingerie. Unfortunately, the term "plus sized" is misleading, as it only fits up to a 2X which they define as 18-20. I wasn't going to order anything from her, but I happened to see this little beauty for 50% off at a discount store:



It's pink! I was surprised by how well it fit, so I took a chance and ordered this set, which I find absolutely stunning:





I fully admit to being suckered by this shot, which shows the outfit's non plus-sized counterpart.



Isn't that gorgeous? What about that doesn't say, "morning after?"

The robe fits beautifully, but unfortunately the little slip in this set didn't fit me as generously as the pink one. But I didn't send it back, rail against the injustice of the fashion industry or burst into tears -- I got a yard of white organza and my sewing machine, and fixed it right up. It fits beautifully now, and it is the most "bridal" of the lingerie I have ordered. I may be looking forward to wearing this set as much as I am my wedding dress. But I bet you can guess the reasons for that.

Those are my recommendations for elegant, plus sized, "bridal"  lingerie. But of course, everyone's tastes are different. Feel free to share your great finds in the comments!

It doesn't get easier

I have so much to look forward to in the coming weeks. I'm getting married (married!) to a wonderful man whose family loves and embraces me. Family will be coming from all over the place and both of us will be so busy and things will be celebratory and happy, and we will look forward to starting our lives together. But as many other Bees have written, even something as happy as a wedding can be tinged with a sense of loss for those no longer with us.


A little while ago, Mr. Oyster and I attended a wedding. It was lovely; the bride was beautiful, lots of happy, supportive family members, and a lot of cute little dancing kids. Everything was just fine until the father/daughter dance. When the bride and her dad took the dance floor, I was watching quietly with everyone else, when --surprise!-- I burst into tears and actually had to leave the room for a few minutes (luckily no one noticed). 

Hadn't I grieved for my father already? I had done everything you're supposed to do when you lose a parent -- giving yourself time to grieve, strengthening relationships with remaining family members, therapy, etc., etc... but I realized, or had always known really, that there are certain aspects of this type of loss that just don't get easier.

I have always had a soft spot for father/daughter dances, and this one was no different. I've grieved his loss a million different ways, but show me a little girl and her dad, and it gets me every time. When we went to this wedding, a couple months ago, it was around the time it was really sinking in for me that I was getting married. When I saw the bride dance with her father, I was reminded of all the things I never got to have my father here for, and all the ways he will not be a part of my life... which include my wedding.

My dad was a nice guy. He was a big, football player-looking type, with a great smile and a sparkling personality. We shared all the interests that are a major part of my life now: teaching, music, photography, computers, writing. My dad is also where I got my incredibly silly sense of humor. When I was younger, Dad would turn on the music and we would run around the house, making up impromptu dances or songs that we would sing to my mom, who would look, bewildered, from one of us to the other and remark at how much we were alike. Later in life, things between him & my mother weren't so good, and our relationship suffered. But I have so many good memories, and over time, those are the ones I remember most vividly.

Sometimes I imagine a parallel life, one in which my father had lived. (I've read that this is common among people who've lost a parent.) So much of who I am now is because of the loss I suffered then. If my father were here, would I still be the same person? I guess it doesn't matter, but I wonder what he would think of Mr. Oyster, and I imagine he'd be happy to walk down the aisle with me at the wedding.

I'm writing this on Father's Day. This is my least favorite holiday; because of the obvious loss, but also because the anniversary of my father's death is the second week in June, so I am always mourning and dealing with Father's Day at once. This year is the tenth without him.

Some years are easier than others. Sometimes I'm distracted, like the year I spent the summer in another country. A couple times I celebrated with a friend who'd also lost her father. And I imagine that someday, Mr. Oyster and I will have entirely new little reasons to celebrate Father's Day, which is something to look forward to. But today is a little difficult.

If you're lucky enough to have a father or stepfather (or both!) to walk you down the aisle, be grateful, whether your relationship with him is a close one or is fractured. Help him with his tie; dance with him; savor all the happy moments you have. Make sure you thank him for being at your wedding and give him a hug. That is what I would do.

Me at age 2, taken by my dad.

"We're jumpin' it!"

I'm incredibly lucky to be marrying Mr. Oyster, a man who has embraced my culture and traditions wholeheartedly. He has been very excited about our wedding broom, and it has just arrived!

I mentioned a while back that I might like to have the broom be something passed around the family or on to future generations, or at the very least, displayed on our wall somewhere. But first, I had to get one. I thought Michaels might have one, or a craft store, but I was completely wrong. I even considered getting one from a costume shop (hello, witches!) for a deep discount.

But Mr. Oyster, noting my concerns about the "heirloom broom," got very interested in this, and decided to take charge of this Matter of the Broom. I did not anticipate that he would take it so seriously, but I love that he did.

Mr. Oyster looks so proud of his find:

And then he promptly began chasing me around the kitchen with it.

Well, at least it's good for something.

We got ours from "Brooms by Chris," who provided excellent, personalized customer service, (Mr. Oyster spoke to Chris himself), even if it was not particularly quick. Mr. Oyster says the broom took about 4-6 weeks to arrive, but I think it's worth it for a handmade broom!

I initially planned to decorate the broom myself, but after speaking with our florist, and seeing that he's done some brooms before, I just decided to hand it over to him to work his magic on. I explained that I wanted to keep the broom for the future, so we asked that it be decorated with silk flowers instead of real ones. Our florist is a great guy and, luckily, was not offended by our request. I'm so glad to take that off my to-do list!

It was a great feeling to see the broom that I'm going to jump with my husband. It's like, real, tangible evidence that a wedding will happen. The best part was when we "tested" it and Mr. Oyster said, "Woo-hoo! We're jumpin' it!"

What was something that made your wedding "real" for you?

The Place to Be

When I was in seventh grade, a girlfriend and I decided we would be cool by answering the phone, no matter who called, by saying, "Hello, this is [name] at The Place To Be!" I don't know what conversation led to this clever plan, but suffice it to say it didn't last very long.

Why that random memory? Well, because I'll be sharing our venue with you in this post, of course! And for that one night in July, to us anyway, it will absolutely be The Place to Be.

If it's a popular wedding venue in Dallas, not only do we know about it, but we've probably called, emailed, or visited. Most of this is complicated by the fact that we started out planning two different types of weddings (oops).

After our outdoor wedding idea melted away, it was back to the drawing board with a few requirements:
- A place with windows (I still wanted to see the sunset at our wedding)
- A beautiful ceremony site and reception site, since we wanted both in the same place, and both indoors
- Easy to get to or in a place people could reference easily (ie., "Downtown").
- and of course, a place that met our budget.

The venue-hunting process was more difficult than we would have liked. Some places were downright rude, others, openly discriminatory. Some were extremely gracious, but just not right for us. Some of them never returned calls or emails (and this was before we'd offered them any money!). One extremely popular place lost our vote when we pulled up and Mr. Oyster said, "It looks like a funeral home!"

At another one, we went to an "open house/tasting" and came home with ill stomachs (ew!). Another place had no wheelchair/disabled access ("Well, can't she use the service elevator..?"). One place was painted a weird shade of green that gave me nightmares, although it did have beautiful natural light. Here is a contemplative Mr. Oyster at this venue. I wonder what he was thinking??

"My stomach hurts."

But after all the drama, the last place on our list turned out to be the best one: the Tower Club.

As soon as we walked in, we loved it. The Tower Club seemed to be a good mix of classic + modern decor, and has some interesting places to take pictures. This is helpful especially since, considering it's July, we will not want to go outside for portraits.

I don't know if there are many all-in-one-spot Dallas brides; from the way vendors talk, we're the only people they know not getting married in a church (gasp!). I don't have any pictures of a ceremony taking place at our venue, but it will be in the room pictured below. I love chandeliers and I'm glad we'll have them at our wedding!

Luckily, some great local photographers have been to our venue. Totally embodying the urban chic aesthetic of the Tower Club is the wedding if Gina & Derek, photographed by F8 Studios. I love this view of the city. 

From this image, I got the idea of using pinspots to highlight arrangements and give the room some visual interest -- on the opposite side of this gorgeous room is a boring beige wall. :(

I initially hated these circular ceiling fixtures, but decided they can actually look kind of cool:

 

I love this wedding from Table4 photography. This image helped put my mind at ease halfway through planning, when I began to feel sad about not finding a place with prettier walls or higher ceilings:

The dance floor doesn't look too bad, either:

I'm still debating whether to do a traditional send-off exit, which seems a little contrived, or a more organic exit where people sort of fade away and we can say goodbye at leisure. Guess which one the venues seem to prefer? Anyway, it makes for a great shot or two (this one from Stacy Reeves):

I worried about confusing myself, or causing additional stress, by seeing so many pictures of weddings at our venue, but I found that it just made me feel better. I wasn't really able to make our wedding "real" until I saw these photos.  It was great to see so many different weddings in the same place, which reassured me that we can indeed "make it our own" despite there having been so many weddings there.

I highly recommend to brides (and grooms) is to find pictures of weddings that have already happened at the venue you're considering. For a Google search, just put in "[venue name]" [city] wedding photography (or "photographer").

No matter how cool it looks in person, you need to see it when it's full of people, lights, flowers, etc. and get a feel for it. Plus, it's fun to put yourself in the place of the brides in the images -- pretty soon, that could be you!

Goldilocks and the 26 Venues

When we first began planning this wedding, we had a very different vision. Here's the first inspiration board I created, nearly a year ago.

We wanted an indoor/outdoor wedding, maybe in a beautiful garden or in a rented bed and breakfast. We thought it would be great to have our families stay all together for a day or two before the wedding; we could go swimming, play with the kids, and then have our wedding. Something family-oriented, elegant, and "summery."

You may have noticed that our wedding is in July... JULY. In Texas. Apparently, our January engagement gave us complete weather amnesia, so we wasted some time looking at outdoor-ish venues. Yes, we could have switched to a different month, but being teachers both, the time of year was more important than the type of wedding. So we gave up that dream.

Maybe our wasted time can be of use! If you're planning a wedding in the spring, here were our favorites:

White Oaks Ranch (in Pilot Point). I saw this wedding, shot by one of my favorite local photographers, and just had to know where it took place. The lady on the phone was so helpful, but I never got to meet her -- upon learning our date, she let me know that this is an open-air facility (I didn't know that from the pictures), and thus has no air conditioning.

However, the fee includes rental of the entire place (venue, catering/staff, and the entire hotel) for two days. There's a pool and beautiful grounds and everything! If it was the right time of year, I absolutely would have been into this place.

We also loved Dallas Heritage Park. This is the photo (from D Weddings) that inspired me to call them:

The look of this place really reflects to me what a Texan summer evening wedding should look like. We did visit, and it photographs beautifully (although it is underwhelming in person).

The ceremony would have been in front of this beautiful house:

It's beautiful, but the pavillion (where the reception would be) was way too big for our little wedding. Also, if your wedding is in the summer, there's an extra charge for air conditioning. (!)

Our most favorite outdoor-ish venue was The Hilton DFW Lakes. The food was good, the prices are great, and Amber, the on-site coordinator, was wonderful. The hotel itself is huge, with two swimming pools. We loved the idea that our families could stay here and hang out for a day or two before the wedding. There were plenty of places for the kids to play, too.

This is where we would have had our ceremony. Check out this sunset -- I'm still disappointed!

Two major drawbacks, the worst being the constant sound of airplanes flying during the ceremony, as this hotel is just "minutes" from the airport. Also, the awkward layout and the atrocious mauve 80s decor in the reception room, but you could transform it with a little (okay, a lot of) creativity.

As soon as July 2009 rolled around, I suddenly remembered that I don't last more than 15 minutes in the Texan sun before wilting (not to mention how cruel it would be for our vendors and guests), and we changed our minds. 

How did we finally find the one that was just right for us? We'll share it with you in part 2!

Dress Developments: From the ground up

Watching my dress come together from the ground up has been immeasurably gratifying. I can't imagine wearing something into which I've put so much emotional and financial investment and not knowing how it is constructed and put together. 

The first part of the process, of course, is taking a million measurements and then building the muslin. You may remember my dress sketch from before:

When I went for the first muslin, we were still working off the measurements taken for That Dress Which Shall Not Be Shown, which was not strapless. To this fitting, I showed up wearing my own strapless bra, because I really just didn't know what else to do. The bra is filled with all kinds of boning and weird supports, but my seamstress, Nazhly, let me know that she's going to build a support system into the bodice of the dress. Whoops! 

So, in this picture I look like a football player. The skirt is fine, but where's my waist? Hm. I was pretty apprehensive about this one.

This is my seamstress' drawing. She modified my sketch and made some notes for her own use. 

Also, she has a very cute dog who loves all the visiting clients! He keeps Nazhly company as she sews. Here he is jumping onto my legs! 

For the next fitting about a week later, we had mostly resolved the issue.  And we came up with a great combination of "garments" to go under the dress. I'm going to wear my body shaper thing (like this one) and my regular bra, with the straps just tucked under! How easy is that?? If I'd known, I could have saved myself quite a bit of wasted money ordering ill-fitting strapless bras. 

Welcome back, waist! The dress was beginning to take shape, and I was reassured that my vision really would come to life. Also, I'm very excited that she's building the dress to be comfortable and to have appropriate coverage up top! 


Here's stage three, about three weeks after that. The dress as shown, in the chosen fabric (no more muslin!) with the underpinnings. The dog liked it, too!

There are some adjustments to be made with the waist and in the back. You might also have noticed that the dress has no waistband yet. The hem looks weird because it is just pinned under. 


Here, you can see the lace better. We also had to forego the V I'd planned in back. I'm not as excited with the straight-across back, but it was the only way for the dress to hold everything up, if you know what I mean! You can't fight with physics.

Check it out! It's me, in a wedding dress. The next step is... the finished product! You'll have to wait a bit for a photo of that one. But I assure you, it is finished and is locked away in a closet here in our house, where Mr. Oyster can't get to it.


I must take a minute and give credit to my amazing seamstress, Nazhly Montilla. She's been sewing nearly all her life, and she doesn't make a lot of dresses; as she works on just one wedding gown at a time. Her work is incredible, and I'm so lucky to have met her. I just can't believe the quality and workmanship of this dress. It is on par with any Amsale or Priscilla of Boston you could find. I am so very happy it has turned out well! I can't wait to show you all.


From the sketch to the finished product, my dress was built in just over three months. Did you know that it's easier to build a dress from scratch rather than make one, rip it apart (alterations), and put it back together? 


When I went to visit my mom, I was watching TV with her (she has cable! How exciting) and caught a few episodes of SYTTD. For a minute, I was sad about missing the whole bridal-salon experience. But what could be better than jumping off the bridal-industry train and doing things myself? Custom dresses aren't for everyone, but I'm thrilled with my choice. I can't wait to wear my dress!