Anxious and worried and a little nervous, I was mad at myself for being so susceptible to a melt-down, and for losing the shaper. (For those not initiated, I'm talking about something like this). It was pretty clear at this point that my anxiety about the shaper wasn't really about the shaper, if you know what I mean.
That's when I started thinking, the way I usually do when my mind is running away from me, that I could choose the kind of wedding day we'd have. I mean, yes, the little things matter, but at some point you have to decide how much they matter. Here we'd just had our lovely rehearsal and dinner, and our family had flown in from all over the place just to celebrate with us. We'd planned this wedding as best we could and there was really nothing to worry about anymore.
And if I was worried about being beautiful on my wedding day, well, beauty comes mostly from self-confidence and inner peace, anyway (yes, I know how it sounds, but it's true!). Isn't that what I'd been trying to teach myself for the past eighteen months?
I looked through my RSS feeds, like I do every morning, and came across this lovely video (and you know I'm a sucker for super8 videos!).
I looked carefully at this bride, as I had been looking at pictures of brides for the past 18 months. But this time, it wasn't to steal a hairstyle, or admire a dress, or get a reception idea.
Obviously, I don't know who this lovely bride is, but like all beautiful brides, she's most beautiful not because her dress fits perfectly (which it does, and it's lovely), but because she is happy. Something might have gone wrong on her wedding day, but everything looks perfect, as I'm sure it was. And it could be the same for me.
With that in mind, I made a list of all the local plus size shops likely to have shapers, printed a list of their phone numbers and addresses, and headed out the door.
My first stop was the Maddox shop, which had been so helpful to me several months prior.
photo by Edward Berard for White Rock Lake Weekly
They had a shaper in my size! And that's it, problem solved. The end.
In fact, I wonder if this little crisis wasn't exactly what I needed, at exactly the right time. It certainly forced me to face my anxieties, and it gave me an unexpected clarity on the day of my wedding.
With the extra time, I paid a surprise visit to my mom, grandmother and little brother at their hotel. I'd already packed my camera, so sadly, there aren't any photos of this, but it was a fun time.
I knew I wouldn't get to spend much time with them on the wedding day, so it was great to get a few extra hugs before all the wedding-ness began. In fact, that spontaneous trip is probably one of my favorite wedding memories.
Mom and Grandmother gave me some last minute advice, and we reminisced about family weddings. My little brother grabbed a giant hotel pillow and practiced his ring-bearing duties, saying, "I'm going to hold it like this, and I'm going to walk like this, and I'm going to be a gentleman!" It was beyond adorable.
I came home, grabbed a sandwich, and balanced my checkbook for the last time. I have to admit, I was very proud of us -- we did it! We planned this wedding ourselves, we sacrificed, scrimped, saved for 18 months to meet our shared goal, and now, today, here it was. I could have said that about so many things that had occurred over the past year and a half.
I made Mr. Oyster look away while I loaded the dress into the car, and then, for real, it was "go" time.
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