Why a wedding

When you are dating someone and your immediate family lives a few thousand miles away, there's no casual get-togethers, no "bring your boyfriend to the family picnic," no "let's meet him." Everything is a little more formal and requires plane tickets, formality and bracing yourself for that let's-get-everything-done-while-you're-here feeling that your parents have when you come visit, which will be familiar to anyone else who lives far away from their families.

Mr. Oyster didn't meet my mother until after we were engaged, when we took a trip in early 2009 to visit her. When my mom and grandmother came to visit me in the fall, they were here to help with wedding plans and also to meet Mr. Oyster's parents.

The first night they were here, the six of us went out to dinner. As the parents met each other for the first time, the palpable joy was nearly overwhelming. Everything, from the small talk, to the conversations to find things in common, to the shared enthusiasm over their new son/daughter, was underscored with happiness and anticipation and welcoming enthusiasm.

That first meeting was the first time I really understood what all this meant. It was the first time that my and Mr. Oyster's love for each other meant something other than "just the two of us." We were joining lives, and families, and while this is true for all weddings and repeated so much as to be a cliche, I couldn't help but marvel at how something that started between two people could create happiness for so many. I was overwhelmed and humbled by it.

That same weekend, we had a little engagement party at our home: parents and bridal party members and their families. I made one of my favorite Mexican meals and we turned on some music and a basketball game. It wasn't anything special, but it was so great to see everyone together and get a taste of what was to come a few months later (or, later this week!).

I have two wonderful ladies in my bridal party, and they are both maids of honor. The one you met already has an adorable daughter that totally stole the show. I don't think she'd ever seen a cat before and was so excited to meet ours! Can you see him? He blends in with the couch.



My mom and grandmother, whom you've met already. Aren't they gorgeous? I have friends that refuse to believe my mom is really my mom; they say things like, "Your sister is so nice!" Just wait until they see her Mother-of-the-Bride dress!



Here are all my moms.



I'm glad Mr. Oyster got a picture of me laughing with my two best friends.



At the end of the night, my friend's daughter suddenly got attached to my mom, and wouldn't let go of her hand. She held on all the way out the door! Little kids are hilarious.



Apparently, my friend and I have similar taste in husbands! We've been friends for years and I'd never noticed until my friend's little daughter had trouble telling them apart. We are still laughing about this.



Mr. Oyster and his father, sharing a laugh.



I remember that I had been worried about awkwardness, and about all the usual party things; would people like the food, would they talk to one another, would they be weird? But everything fell into place. Mr. Oyster and I were so happy to have them at our home, and happy to be celebrating with them, and hopefully this extended to our guests. I can only hope for a repeat at our wedding.

It was a great night, and a wonderful part of my memories of being engaged. I have several people in my life from different circles and from different regions of the country, and it was great for us to see everyone in the same room. If you can, I highly recommend a little get-together or something relatively early in your engagement, even if it is informal.

I was initially struck by the almost universal good wishes and enthusiasm and love and support that was shown us when we announced our engagement. Are they really that happy, for us? But I thought about my own reactions; when someone I love dearly is celebrating a marriage, or the completion of a degree or the birth of a baby, I always want to celebrate with them. The desire to share in their happiness is almost like ownership. You want to know that you had some part in who they are and the reason they're so happy now.

Of course, everyone is different, but the reason we are having a wedding is to share this with our friends and families, people we love dearly and want to acknowledge for their part in our lives and in our happiness. And selfishly, it just feels really great to be the recipients of that!

The engagement party was our first chance to experience that, and we'll have another chance very, very soon. I continue to be honored by the love and support shown us by our families and friends, and I hope that they can know the depth of our gratitude for that.