Seamstresses: What not to say

When it was time to find a seamstress (sorry, the ones I found were all women, although I know men sew as well), I initially had some disastrous interactions. One was much to distressing to write about here (at least, before the wedding) and the other was almost as bad.

I found this seamstress by looking up a local fabric store that professed to house dressmakers. I called them up and they were nice enough, and gave me the phone numbers of some seamstresses. Two of the three numbers they gave me were no longer in service, so I scheduled a meeting with the third: "Mary."

I brought several pictures to show what I was looking for. As I talked about my dress, she kept trying to steer me away from what I described and toward a dress that would be easier to make. I started to worry that what I had in mind wouldn't actually happen, and that I wasn't describing it clearly enough.

We looked at the fabric store to see what they had. I have a fabric picked out, and the store only had a few versions of it. I also wanted to add some beaded lace, but I would have to buy it elsewhere and smuggle it in, as the store only had a few dated, unattractive examples.

In general, Mary was very sweet and nice, and very interested in me & my dress. She reminded me of the stereotypical grandmother that's been altering wedding dresses for many years. When I mentioned that I could email her some photos later, she told me that she has no email. She also let me know that she is extremely conservative.

She was shocked that I, a plus size, did not plan to cover my arms. She was also surprised that I am not getting married in a church. And you should have seen her face upon learning that I do not plan to wear a veil over my face! Luckily, I didn't let it slip that I plan to walk unescorted down the aisle; she might have popped her top!

And there's another thing. While Mary was taking my measurements, it was obvious she had no idea how to deal with me, at one point exclaiming, "You're such a big girl!"

Right.

So a few days later, I called Mary to let her know I wouldn't be getting the dress made after all, and thanked her for her time (she knew in advance that this was an "interview" of sorts, so there were no surprises there). I'd absolutely recommend her if you only want alterations. As far as creating a pattern from scratch, though, I was a little concerned.

From this meeting, I learned that (a) the dressmaking process is a potentially intimate one, and you should really like your dressmaker. Mary's ultra conservative views and especially her "you're so big!" comment rang in my head for days, and I didn't want to feel like that at every dress fitting; (b) I really needed to be more explicit about what I wanted.

That second one stuck with me, and as soon as I got home I started thinking about my own dress design. That's right! I designed my dress!